In control of what??

Things don't often go to plan do they?

My husband and I turned up to my 36 week obstetrician appointment with a short list of things on our mind.

1. Could we do an extra ultrasound to confirm the sex? We had a medical scan at 20 weeks that told us to expect a boy. But my mother had suggested according to chinese tradition, the shape of my belly actually suggested a girl. Then, our three year old was pretending to be pregnant, as he often does, but this time, it was a baby girl, not a boy! So there you have it, enough reason to put doubt in our minds... how hilarious! So anyway, did another scan, and yes, it's a boy..., fancy that, modern medicine being more accurate than old wives' tales and pretend play of a toddler.

2. We were (I was) leaning towards a selective c-section in the hope of having a better recovery than my last emergency c-section. However, after talking to our allergy specialist, there was a suggestion that trying for a natural birth might improve our chances of not having a highly allergic child. It was probably worth a try.

Well, this is where things unraveled. Baby is head down? Check. Blood pressure? Uh oh... We were informed it was time to check into the hospital for monitoring of mother and child. There went my plans for shopping with a friend... hubby would take the rest of the day off from work, but fortunately our son was already in childcare for the day. It wasn't an emergency, and the doctor did tell us it was mainly precautionary. So we went home, packed some things then had a lovely couple's lunch before checking in.

Three night's later and we finally get all the lab results back - pre-eclampsia! Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!

In my last post, it was all about regaining control... (mainly of my own thoughts and fears). Well, control is a facade - certainly, we can be organised, and I think our planning helped us with that, but control? Well, all the planning and organisation in the world can control squat! In the end, what will happen will happen - who can control pre-eclampsia?? Checking through all the risk factors... nope, not one of those, so who knows why I got it.

Being organised helped a little, although my dear husband simply taking time off to look after our son was the simplest and best solution we came up with. We got some wonderful assistance from church with quite a few meals ready cooked (although my husband still cooked special food for our son). Supportive friends, ongoing prayer... all of it helped. Acceptance... probably the best thing that you can do in the end... believing that somehow, somewhere, this was all going to make sense...

This was my first overnight separation from our son - I knew that if I followed doctor's orders, I would probably be OK, especially being monitored in a hospital regularly. But, what of my dear husband and son?? Could they survive without wife and mother?? Well, in the end, they coped wonderfully well (that's a humbling fact isn't it?!) It was a longer than expected trial for them - it has been tiring on my husband, trying to juggle the home responsibilities with work, but the outcome has been positive. The only thing of concern perhaps is that my son really wanted Megatron to go and destroy the hospital so mum would come home (he is fairly obsessed with Transformers at the moment, so it all makes sense in his world).

Another interesting note, was that my neighbour at home turned out to be my neighbour at the hospital too! You can't really arrange that sort of thing... I'm not sure what the point of that was, but, perhaps in the future, time will tell the significance of both of us being hospitalised together. I can't believe that was coincidence.

So although control would be nice, I don't think we can ever achieve it - if we try really hard to, we'll probably just wear ourselves out! Organised - yes, it has helped so far. Acceptance - the main factor in finding peace. Well, I suppose perhaps it depends on what you're accepting... for me, it was accepting that I am not in control, but that the God who first started all this, will be faithful to complete it.

Amazingly, after four nights, they sent me home for further bed rest. My husband and friends have all been wonderfully supportive while I have been told to rest and do nothing. The pre-eclampsia seems to be stable and not worsening, so two weeks on, we are still here, waiting for the time when bubs will finally appear.

In the end, natural birth vs c-section vs allergies vs whatever else - who cares?! It all amounts to not much at all, except for maybe more stress. I've accepted my life is in good hands and am finally in a spot where just seeing our second little baby boy will bring more joy to my life than all the control in the world. I've seen too much good come from our first little boy's life already to think anything else.

... we're all waiting for you my darling!

To read more about the arrival of our second boy, click here.

Meat Pie

This recipe was inspired by the previous Jam Tart recipe, but instigated by my husband who wanted our son to enjoy good 'ol Aussie Meat Pies. I used muffin trays to bake the individual pies.

Canola Puff Pastry (dairy free, from Coles, if you live in Australia) - cut one sheet into four square quarters. Each square can be placed into a muffin mold. Place the cooled meat mixture into the center of the pastry and fold the corners into the center, to cover the meat. Place a cut-out shape on top of everything to seal off the pie. The pastry doesn't need to be completely sealed or perfectly shaped - I personally like the dribbled effect. If you want it to be more browned on top, you could brush some soy milk over the top, but I don't think it's necessary. Bake at 220deg C, for 20 - 25 mins or till nicely browned. Serve with chips, mash or other vegetables.

Meat filling recipe
Our son is still on a very restricted diet so the ingredients we use are very limited compared to most recipes. If you are able to use more spices and herbs, then I'm sure it will taste even better, but in the meantime, this recipe uses very basic ingredients to make something still quite tasty. For example, we still haven't found a stock cube we can safely use, nor is there any chilli, mustard, or fancy sauces in it. If you miss these flavours, then perhaps topping the pies with a bit of spice will make up for it.

1 onion, chopped finely
500g beef mince
1T tomato paste
1C red grapes, chopped in half or perhaps 1 plum, chopped into pieces (this is what I use instead of stock cubes believe it or not!)
1C chopped veggies like peas, corn or carrot
salt to taste

Gently fry the onion in some sunflower or other acceptable oil. Add mince and brown it fully. Add the remaining ingredients and enough water to simmer for about 20 mins. Add salt to taste, then cool before placing into the pastry.

Hope you enjoy these little treasures too!

From PANIC to Peace with our pregnancy planning

What a difference a couple of weeks makes. After my middle-of-the-night panic attack, thinking about what to do with our severely allergic toddler I've just come back from my baby-shower with such a peace in my heart - who can believe it?!

Let me guide you through the steps - just in case you need to do this one day...
Step 1: I put together a folder with all our son's allergic information. This includes his Anaphylaxis plan, a list of approved foods, a rough schedule for eating and sleeping, some recipes printed from this blog, and a list of other medications and instructions for cases of rash/asthma/fever and also medical details like doctor's details, insurance and medicare details in case a trip to the hospital is required.

Step 2: I've packed a cooler bag with all sorts of food including snacks, tinned food, pasta etc. I've also packed a bag with sauces to be used - this includes honey, jam, soy sauce, oil

Step 3: I've made a list of last minute things to add to the bags - this includes things from the fridge like Nuttelex, frozen bread, frozen bolognese sauce.

Step 4: I've made another list of other things to bring, like clothes, medication, toiletries, spare pan and chopping board.

This is all the stuff we need to bring with us to drop our son off at a friend's house when the time for labour comes and we need to head to the hospital. Our hope is that our son can be cared for by our friends during labour, so that my husband can be there for the birth of our second child. We have also agreed that if worse comes to worse, our husband may miss the birth, but that it will most certainly not be the end of the world.

Step 5: I decided to use the baby shower as a chance to go through all of our son's information with our close friends in one go. Before I left home, I was wondering whether they would still be my friends after this information download. Would they ever see me the same? Would they think I am totally neurotic? Would they withdraw their offer of emergency care once they realised how complicated it can be?

Well, what a blessing it is to have such wonderful friends. They listened carefully, asked very good questions, and also made some really good suggestions, like including a spare house key should they need to grab something from the house. Overwhelmingly they agreed that coming over to our house was the safest option if it was practical to leave their kids at home. This was something my husband and I had also thought, but I was too afraid to ask. Afterall, all these ladies have kids of their own, households to run, as well as jobs to go to.

So there you have it, in a few simple steps - a total transformation from total panic in the middle of the night, to complete peace about who would look after our most gorgeous but highly allergic son. After that, the ladies sat back, relaxed, ate some most delicious afternoon tea and just shared the joys of motherhood together.

Ok, bring on labour... (I hear you laugh?)

For the next step in our journey, where things get out of control... click here